I gave in

Brett bought me a calendar this year, a calendar just for me, for a very specific purpose. Each day I cut the box in half, the top is to record my work out, heart rate, amount of time, ect., and the bottom half is to record my personal scripture study as well as scripture reading with our kids. Mondays also get their own special spot to record whether or not we are succesful in doing Family Home Evening together.

Since we renewed our gym membership, I've been hitting the 5:15 classes in the morning before Brett goes to work, and then I have been going at night after the kids are in bed to run 3 miles. All this so that I can be to my pre-preg weight by the time Tyler hits one year old. I've also been trying to curb my usual eating habits a bit(not a diet!). I've been eating spinach salads with lemon juice and Cajun seasoning sprinkled on top to stop myself from indulging in more refined things, like snicker bars and hot fudge from the jar. I repeat, I'm not on a diet, I'm just not being a pig like I normally am.

Tonight it was too much. I got a mug out, scooped a single spoonful of chocolate ice cream in, put a tiny dollop of hot fudge on top, which looked lonely so I put a tiny little bit of caramel topping on that, and finished my dessert of with a single cherry. My poor little cherry looked huge comparatively.

Sometimes I really question if being thin is really worth it. My sad little sunday made me want to cry inside. The day I hit my goal is the day I make myself a banana split the size of a dinner plate.