Irritated

I'm irritated, I'm tired, I've got a headache, all I want to do is play card games all night while eating a whole lotta crap. With Pepsi of course. And friends. Non of which I get, unless you count my snoring husband to my left and my snoring 5 month old to my right.
I honestly have nothing to say which is, ironically, when I become quite articulate.
A plus to my sour attitude, which in all honesty it's probably just PMS, I get to type in bed tonight! Wireless is awesome. It's Friday night and Brett can't whine at me for keeping him up with my typing since the only thing making him get up in the morning is his irritating morning person happiness. What is up with that anyway! And also, let me rag on for a bit, why is it I'm the only bloody woman in the world who has a baby(that I've puked for ten months straight to get) and starts her period 30 days to the minute after the kid comes out??? Why? I thought that exclusively breastfeeding was supposed to give you perks like loosing weight faster and not having aunt flow show up. The next happy mother who talks to me about not having a period like we are in some flow less sister hood together is going to get it.
Today I had a less than happy day with the rats. I informed them that it was Friday and I wanted to get the house spotless for the weekend. I like to start the weekend out nice and clean so we can have more fun. Well, Lily was in desperate need of attention THE ENTIRE DAY and Ethan and Lauren weren't helpful at all, I would even say they were the anti-help. I would ask them to go to their rooms and clean up a bit, then 30 minutes later when I would get done vacuuming the living room, they would have made a new mess entirely, as opposed to helping me. I gave them corner time, I docked points from their points charts, I got so irritated that I just had to go sit and give my self some time out so I didn't scream at the top of my lungs. OOOOOHHH!!! My heart rate is jumping just thinking about it. I hate feeling angry at my kids, but some days it's impossible. I wish I could call a sitter, someone to just come and sit with them so I can chill out a bit, or even just clean up a bit for goodness sake!
I have a five year old, a three year old and a five month old. I chose this and I knew it wouldn't be easy, but this is my blog so I'm going to complain anyway. I'm glad that our children are going to be close in age, I'm glad that I'll be done having children by the time I'm 27 and I'm glad that when I'm 50 I can kick them all out and not feel bad about it. When they are older and have grown up as a close family I will be happy for the bond and relationships they have. I want them to be like Brett and his brothers. I want them to feel like they are their own best friends. These are some of the reasons Brett and I have chosen to have our children while we are young and so close together.
My list for reasons why we should have spaced them farther apart is incredibly longer, shallower, and completely selfish, not to mention futile at this point so I won't even go into it. Lets just say that sometimes being a DINK (double income, no kids) sounds like heaven. Sometimes, and for very short periods of time. My antidote for this is looking at pictures of my kids, pictures only because in pictures they can't be moving, for once. They are so cute and sweet in pictures. I'm hoping that in the future I can look at their pictures and it will be kind of like childbirth, I vaguely remember the pain, but the incredible happiness is what sticks with me.
One must feel bad in order to experience and appreciate the good, right? I guess everyone has their own challenges. I just feel like certain people have challenges I would love to trade them for. I feel terrible for women who have fertility issues, I know it's got to be hard. Once Brett and I decided we are having a baby, it's been torture waiting, and it's been a first time try all five times. I can't even imagine having to wait years. On the other side of things, I have my own challenges. I've never gone through infertility, I have suffered through HG though and I can't imagine Hell being any more pleasant. HG is extreme nausea and vomiting and mine lasts my entire pregnancy. After I had Ethan, I honestly didn't think I would ever allow myself to get pregnant again. I honestly was going to adopt the rest of my children because I just didn't think I could go through that again. After I started looking into it, I found many other women with the same challenge I have. ALL said the same thing I was thinking and most only did have one child. I guess I'm a bit of a masochist because I've had three and we are planning on one more. The only thing that could have persuaded me on was prayer. I prayed and prayed about it every time and after receiving a huge affirmative I knew it was right with both my girls. The same with my next child, we don't know exactly when he will come, we just know it's right. And yes, it's a he, I'm positive.
I turn into this horrible version of myself when I'm pregnant. My house is in constant need of cleaning, laundry piles up until we are desperate for clean clothes, and my poor kids are seriously neglected. TV all day sometimes because if I venture off the couch, the only thing I accomplish is loosing whatever I ate last to la toilet. People have called me amazing because I can eat half a sandwich, throw it up, and calmly sit back down and eat the other half just fine. They just don't know my secret; Pepsi tastes the same coming back up as it does going down, so I just drink it with everything! At least when I'm having a bad day and I haven't been able to keep a thing down. PS: If you tell me to try eating crackers when I'm pregnant, don't hold me responsible for the explicative that follows. I'm not a sensitive person normally, but Brett will tell you the only time he's ever made me burst into tears is when I was pregnant, and then I sobbed uncontrollably and felt like a complete idiot the entire time. What a strange experience, to mentally be thinking how stupid I was being, but physically unable to stop the tears gushing from my eyes. That was a one and only thing, I'm not the kind of emotional person who outwardly shows it, I feel it, but I keep it to myself. Okay, I feel it to an extent, I really am pretty hard to offend, I think I've been in touch with too many ignorant people in my life, in school and such to really care enough to really be offended. Plus, as Elder what's his name said(so spiritual, I know), no one can offend us, we allow ourselves to be offended. I believe this to my core. I mostly get irritated with people because they can be so stinking easy to offend. Cough! (children) cough! This reminds me of every shopping trip I go on. "She's on my side of the cart!" "He touched my side!" GGGrrrrrrr. Okay, that brought me back to my original point of posting.
Now that anyone reading this knows what my sleepovers would be like, I'll stop blabbing on now. I should write a book, Nonsense from one of the Nameless Millions.
If you actually read this, I'm truly sorry your night has been so uneventful.

Oh, my day was saved at the end by Brett's parents. They picked Aunt Peggy up from the airport and we went out for dinner. She is, by-the-way, way too cute for being a grandma. Anyway, the kidlets attached to her like moths to the flame. Ethan immediatly thanked her for the teddy bear she gave him(five years ago, and of whos' shirt Tukey got put into before we left) and then Ethan and Lauren were all over her the entire evening trying to make me out to be a liar. I said they were being aweful today. I forgot to mention that they are only horrible for me. She insists that they are adorable, I just think they know how to pretend to be adorable. Sorry, this is my bad day talking, not really me.
Also, this evening outside was one of those evenings that make you stop and just take your breath away. It was perfect, beautiful and so relaxing. It wasn't too hot, a very slight breeze and sooo pretty. I love Idaho.